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By Zara Barrie Aug. I chose this life, and I vehemently own it. Until now.

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By Zara Barrie Aug. I chose this life, and I vehemently own it. Until now.

Except I'm a girl. It lsuty me thinking: Why do the boys get to have all the fun? Why do the boys get to be salacious, hyper-indulgent, irrepressibly horny, poorly-tattooed forces of nature who are allowed to shamelessly hashtag their gym selfies GAINSwhile us girls are expected to be prim and proper, politically correct ladies of a sky-high moral code? Why do the boys get to send douchebag booty call text messages at 3 am, while goulburn escorts girls are teen chat cente to sit pretty and irritated, stewing over the stupidity of men?

Dluty on my clock, kittens. It's actually a beautiful thing. If boys can date multiple girls at once, so can I.

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Marie Antoinette. Anne Boleyn. Queen Elizabeth. Look at her social media s. She's a total lady slayer and doesn't try to hide it. Especially in the 90s.

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She had pet rats and lived off a diet of steak so rare, it bled. I have an exclusive Sephora Beauty Insider rewards card, but I can't get approved for a real credit card. I leave a trail of makeup, clothes and jewelry everywhere I go. If you've had the privilege of sleeping with me, your pillowcase most definitely has my foundation and mascara streaked all over edmonton escort ads.

I use emoji instead of words to express my feelings. Mostly mistress jenna I don't have feelings. I will never, ever, ever, EVER text you first. Or make the first move.

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Or call you. If you decide to cheap overnight escorts shepparton me, I will text you back three hours later with a cold "What's up? I'm notorious for ghosting people and falling off the face of the earth, without explanation.

I have a therapist, an eyebrow waxer, a hairdresser, an astrologer, an "intuitive reader" and a psychiatrist. I'm on texting terms with them all.

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The team it takes just to get me semi-functioning is immense. I can't pay my rent, but I own every single lipstick MAC makes.

I'm too chic to care. I'm more excited about the prospect of getting a quilted Chanel purse with a gold chain over getting married and having children. I don't know my own phonebut I DO know my dad's credit card by heart. I feel electric shock waves of genuine pride and dutifully congratulate myself every time my credit card isn't declined. escorts in rockford il

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I'm allergic to public transportation. I refuse to leave the five-block radius of my apartment for a stupid date or party.

I use affectionate pet names for everyone because I truly don't know anyone's real name. I wear ripped fishnets to work and red lipstick to temple.

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I undress everyone with my eyes, all of the time. My idea of exercise is drinking wine in yoga pants. Samantha north bay escort spend all of my money on clothes, booze, shoes and makeup. I own Uggs, and I'm not msssage to wear them in public. In the summer.

In fact, I never consider the weather or the occasion when getting dressed. I messagw never add your last name to my contacts because I genuinely don't know it, nor do I care savannah starr escort ever learn it. I only workout for aesthetic purposes. I think it's rude if you're not completely enamored and obsessed with me. I either order in or go out to dinner, I never, ever, ever, ever, ever cook.

I'm not into the whole "Netflix and Chill" trend, but all about the "Dine and Dash. I never take off my eye makeup -- I just keep adding to it. A metaphor for my life. I can't go anywhere without running into someone I've hooked up with. I don't live in reality.

Everything I own is tattered, torn, stained or cigarette-burned. I order coffee and bagels to be hand-delivered to my apartment every single morning.

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I plan all of my dates for the same night, so I don't have to get dressed up too many nights per week. I bite back.

People can hear me coming minutes before I enter a room because my insane korean escort chicopee of jewelry clanks and my heels obnoxiously click. I consciously overdraw my bank regularly and refer to it as "taking out a small business loan. I can drink any man under the table.

Chat room tamil troll the bars of the West Village by myself. I mexsage prefer to self-destruct in peace rather than get lectured on the "dire effects of sugar" by my friends. Within minutes of meeting you, I'm wondering whether or not I would have sex with you. It's on my current statement.

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